Who Am I?

"But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me--and not without results ["I am what I am by the grace of God]" (1 Cor. 15:10, NLT).  
"But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!"  (Rom. 5:8, HCSB).
"The law came along to multiply the trespass.  But where sin multiplied, grace multiplied even more"  (Rom. 5:20, HCSB).  
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'  Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me" (2 Cor. 12:9, HCSB).  
"Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker!..."  (Isaiah 45:9, KJV).
"I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see."  --Amazing Grace, public domain

When I was in college it was popular to search for yourself, find yourself, and to know yourself.  I had gotten religiously confused and was going through an identity crisis or moratorium to find myself--but which one, for I came to feel I was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!  I went all through high school thinking I was a somebody because of my scholastic achievements--they said I bloomed too early--then when I went to college found out I was a nobody in comparison, actually being with students who offered intellectual challenge.

Then my pride in myself or my self-respect or ego had suffered a blow.  I endured several years wandering from job to job and finally entering the military thinking I was a nobody going to amount to nothing or what you might call a ne'er-do-well, or even a loser!  But in the service I found new life as I really got connected with a fellowship known as the Navigators (a parachurch ministry), with whom I hooked up with and who discipled me to grow up in Christ and realize the spiritual potential I always had but never realized--we all have unrealized potential if we look for it and use it!

I was a fast learner and soaked up the Bible, memorizing hundreds of verses and realizing a new talent I had doing this.  I was finding out in real time that even being a nobody, God could do something with me to His glory and use me as a vessel of honor, if I submitted to His lordship and ownership of my life.  I learned to lead people to Christ, and even my mom credits me for doing this while I was on leave.  I can remember my first witness to her as saying, "Mom, you're going to love the new me!'  and her reply was that she loved "the old me!"   I felt for the first time that I could lead a fulfilling life doing God's will without achieving the so-called American dream or of being a success according to the standards of the world.

Moses went through similar steps in his life:  forty years thinking he was a somebody; then forty years thinking he was a nobody; then finally forty years finding out what God can do with a nobody!  It was during his sojourn in the land of Midian that he was called of God and wondered there about his being unqualified to serve a gracious and merciful God (this is a contradiction in terms).  He had three excuses:  Who am I?  I am slow of speech; and they won't believe me!

I have wondered the same thing as that about myself.  Of course Jesus was right that your own family is the last who people actually give you any praise or credit. But we are to witness to them first!  I never thought I was a great writer but I just felt called to write and to vent or hone my skills via blogging and voila, there were hundreds and hundreds of posts fit to be published (and to this date they comprise ten volumes personally published).  But the point is that I believed the verse promise:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"  (cf. Phil. 4:13).

God will always be with us to give us strength to do His will (cf. Col. 1:19)--even the means and support.  The Bible also says God promises to meet our need  (cf. Phil. 4:9) and to equip us to do His will (cf. Heb. 13:21).  Now I'm perfectly poised to do nothing but God's will even as if I were a monk in a monastery with no outside or mundane worries or concerns--just like Christ said that a soldier doesn't get involved in civilian affairs to be a good soldier.  I can virtually devote myself into full-time service of the Lord.

I not only have had the time and opportunity to do God's will, but the encouragement, the inspiration from a Bible-preaching church with inspired expository preachers, but also a little extra financial support for the extras that my mom as a special benefactor to me.  She is responsible for making the transition a little easier and also been my closest spiritual confidant and support or even rock to depend on when I needed advice or sympathy--it is good to have a wise and godly mom to learn from and I realized in time that she was wise, while my younger brothers seem to not yet have come to this realization. 

We all must realize that we have potential with God and must aim high to realize it.  As William Carey preached:  "Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God!"  If we aim at nothing--we'll get there!  Jesus is the prize and goal!  (Cf. Heb. 12:2)  Success, which has many definitions besides monetary, doesn't come by accident! Now, I feel fulfilled in life because I know I'm doing God's will and that's ultimately the safest place to be where the devil cannot touch me and there is a hedge of protection around me.  When Christians say that they have found it (in reality He found us per Isaiah 65:1), I can connect with that.  There is meaning and purpose in life beyond the mundane and what the world offers (cf. 1 John 2:1)--for the more room for what the devil offers with his delicacies and temptations, the less room for God's riches and blessings--that's simple math and I was always good at mathematical equations, which can come in handy!

But we will never find out who we are in Christ unless our hearts are fully committed and we know Christ as our Lord.  To find your spiritual gift you have to be willing to serve and find out what God uses you for--it may take experimentation and a willingness to debut for your dreams--but don't stop dreaming.  Some people only know Him as the Savior: for instance, they may say, "I am a great sinner, and Jesus is a great Savior; it's a great relationship!" These believers are merely carnal and cannot expect to get anything from the Lord.  We don't want to sin presumptuously (cf. Gal. 2:21), tempt or test God and take His grace for granted or to resist it either.  We must learn to walk with God to ever grow into adulthood, for the length of being saved doesn't always mean maturity.  Some believers never grow up! 

Moses (cf. Numbers 12:3) was one of the few men in the Bible who actually walked with God and the only one besides Christ who was called meek or humble! But Christ calls all His children to walk with Him in fellowship and the Holy Spirit makes this possible.   We are called to walk by faith and not by sight! No matter how far we progress spiritually or in the eyes of the world, we must never forget who we are and what our roots are--where we came from.  Many of us have humble beginnings like Gideon (the least in his family) or Amos (the shepherd and took care of sycamore-fig trees), and few of us are of noble roots like Moses (the crown prince).  Even David was but a humble shepherd before being called and anointed of God.

Few of us are as educated as a Dr. Luke or Paul as a Pharisee, but we don't have an excuse to remain ignorant for God frowns upon that and places a premium on knowledge, wisdom and understanding.  Isaiah says to look to the rock from which we were hewn! That means remaining faithful to our calling in God and never losing touch or caring about family if possible.   But Christ did say that He could be a cause of division and even a sword within families, so we must put our faith first. 

Now there was one man in the Bible who was righteous in God's eyes, but also knew it; namely, Job.  He would not let go of his integrity for the world and would never consider himself a sinner or worthy of punishment, but he kept his faith in God and didn't charge Him with error.  At the end of his ordeal, he was humbled by a vision of God and realized he was indeed a nobody--and then he finally repented. We must all realize that we amount to nothing apart from God but it doesn't matter who we are in the long term, but who God is:  it all boils down to how big our God is.

In closing, let me add one final thought:  In light of the fact that we are in a no-lose proposition or that we are in a win-win one from the spiritual perspective, we cannot fail at God's will done in faith for God is on our side and we cannot lose (cf. Psalm 118:6), He is with us eternally and we are never alone (cf. Isa. 41;10), and He believes in us more than we do and our situation is never hopeless (cf. Isa. 49:6; Jer. 29:11).   Soli Deo Gloria!