Disclaimer: I do not claim "infallibility" like the popes in Rome do, even though they contradict each other. We all have feet of clay and have weaknesses not readily apparent. There is an upside to a hard lesson: We learn something the difficult way. Everyone sooner or later "plays the fool." There is a downside to being dogmatic or ideologically oriented: There will be disagreements. I deplore the family quibble I have found myself involved in and am writing this to ameliorate it the best I can. (Let us never forget that we are in the body and members one of another; we all need each other, as Barbra Streisand sang, "People who need people are the happiest people.") Nevertheless, this is my point of view; I am not trying to pontificate or speak ex-cathedra like the pope.
NB: I am not totally innocent, am not trying to point the finger, but I believe that in any quarrel both sides are culpable to some degree, whether they admit it or not--"The Lord's servant must not strive," says the Word. Satan's strategy is to divide and conquer! I have to agree with the psychologist that said it was good to feel so bad--because I have learned from this ordeal. We must always remember to show mercy because Jesus said, "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." "Love covers a multitude of sins" (Prov. 10:`12). "A man's wisdom gives him patience, but it is his glory to overlook an offense' (Prov. 19:11). I can't forget the Disciple's Prayer that says to "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."
I bemoan the fact that we become too subjective, relying on emotion and personal opinion, rather than objective, and seeing things from God's point of view--though only God is perfectly objective! We must also refrain from striving about the meaning of words: sometimes it is just better policy to find out what they meant and not what they said, what is their definition and not necessarily what the dictionary says, unless it's not a word you're familiar with--so don't jump to the conclusion that someone said something that he may not have, and resolve it. Remember, we should avoid foolish and godless controversies, but ones that are real issues are important to resolve and settle. Soli Deo Gloria!
Family disharmony can have unintended consequences: Especially when religion or politics is involved. We must learn not to get confrontational, aggressive, or condescending, and turn it into an ad hominem argument. It is natural to be defensive and feels we are on the hot seat like Jesus with the legal experts when put on the defensive, but one shouldn't go into attack mode consequently. Many times there ensues a "failure to communicate." Sometimes we are cynical and "don't get mad, we get even." Both parties can feel compelled to want to say the last word and cut the other off, closing the door, but I do not believe in doing that, but in resolving the issue and only ending the discussion when both sides have said their peace.
Sometimes when we argue we try to get the advantage over the opponent by citing some ace in the hole, or are tempted to brag about that we think will give us an advantage (this is a fulcrum to throw the other one off balance). How do I know we shouldn't give up? Let them quit, but don't give up: God doesn't give up on us according to Phil. 1:6 and we are all works in progress--no one has "arrived." Too often our arguments (any attempt to prove the other person wrong) end up in a face-off where we get emotional and lose our cool. Patience by definition is the endurance that goes to the breaking point and doesn't break. Remember to take insults like a man: Even Jesus endured insults and this is part of the cross we all must bear.
We should not assume an air of superiority or monopoly on wisdom, or that we have cornered the market on truth, even if we are wiser (even Solomon made mistakes ) and realize that God can speak even through the voice of a child. (I only cite Augustine, who claimed God spoke to him via a child's voice.) I have a Pentecostal background, though I do not adhere to all their dogma, and you have a right to dissent, disagree, or protest. But I say any believer, filled with the Spirit, can utter a word of wisdom (a word to the wise is sufficient) and we shouldn't despise prophesying, no matter who it comes from. Sometimes we wonder: Where's your patience? Our patience can be tried to the extreme; we must recall that God is longsuffering toward us and we should be likewise.
One can be wise in the ways of the world, have business sense, or be well-educated, but not have spiritual mojo or know the Lord. Look at Donald Trump who is an infidel. Just because one is saved doesn't mean he knows the Lord very well--this takes walking with the Lord. One can also, conversely, be very astute spiritually and have much spiritual insight and even be blessed with special epiphanies, and not know his way around the block, or know the scoop, be naïve, or even have no common sense--much wisdom comes from growing up in the school of hard knocks and experience. One can be savvy about the Bible and not be applying it, too.
We should never get confrontational or be antagonistic. We should refrain from being a bully, and being bitter, or angry with our brother, (Jesus gave a stern warning against being angry with our brother in Math. 5:22.), but remain filled with the Spirit and "speak the truth in love." I like the words of Gen. 13:8: "Let there be no strife between us, for we are brethren." As far as boasting or bragging, the Bible says that if you want to boast, boast in the Lord (what He has done through us) and "let another praise you and not your own lips." As believers in the body, it is common to think that people "owe" us, but we all need and owe each other, and no one is an island. I do not believe in making implied ultimatums, threats, warnings, or cautions, but in being patient (we may need to pray for it!). Sometimes it's right to "let go and let God." We must be willing to let God's will be done, not ours.
People ask me where I get my so-called knowledge (like asking me how I know the Bible so well) and how I just know things (sometimes, it seems fortuitous), having never been "trained," but my pastor told me I had the gift of knowledge. I just know things and am a good person to ask questions because of this gift. I do not claim to be a genius, know all the answers (if I did, I would be on a game show!), or even be a learned or scholarly man, (I am mainly self-taught, mentored, and have no formal education in the Bible), but I know that I have a gift and that God uses me as a vessel of honor and glory in His kingdom.
When treated unfairly or insultingly, we should not return the favor in-kind (the so-called "brazen rule" says to treat unto others the way they treat you), but remember that Paul says not to "recompense evil with evil, but overcome evil with good." "Do not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me" (Prov. 24:29). "Iron sharpens iron" is the principle to remember. We should be willing to take whatever someone dishes out like a man. "Brace yourself like a man..." (Job 38:3). It is very important to "test the spirit" and respect our brother's "opinion" and realize he has the right to believe that. We should always remember not to be hypercritical (feel we have to debate everything--we should see what the Spirit wants to say), overly analytical, or hypersensitive (wearing our feeling on our sleeve). Boast in the Lord, says Jer. 9:23. What hath God wrought? Finally," we glory in Christ and not in ourselves", says Gal. 6:14. Soli Deo Gloria!
NB: I am not totally innocent, am not trying to point the finger, but I believe that in any quarrel both sides are culpable to some degree, whether they admit it or not--"The Lord's servant must not strive," says the Word. Satan's strategy is to divide and conquer! I have to agree with the psychologist that said it was good to feel so bad--because I have learned from this ordeal. We must always remember to show mercy because Jesus said, "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." "Love covers a multitude of sins" (Prov. 10:`12). "A man's wisdom gives him patience, but it is his glory to overlook an offense' (Prov. 19:11). I can't forget the Disciple's Prayer that says to "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."
I bemoan the fact that we become too subjective, relying on emotion and personal opinion, rather than objective, and seeing things from God's point of view--though only God is perfectly objective! We must also refrain from striving about the meaning of words: sometimes it is just better policy to find out what they meant and not what they said, what is their definition and not necessarily what the dictionary says, unless it's not a word you're familiar with--so don't jump to the conclusion that someone said something that he may not have, and resolve it. Remember, we should avoid foolish and godless controversies, but ones that are real issues are important to resolve and settle. Soli Deo Gloria!
Family disharmony can have unintended consequences: Especially when religion or politics is involved. We must learn not to get confrontational, aggressive, or condescending, and turn it into an ad hominem argument. It is natural to be defensive and feels we are on the hot seat like Jesus with the legal experts when put on the defensive, but one shouldn't go into attack mode consequently. Many times there ensues a "failure to communicate." Sometimes we are cynical and "don't get mad, we get even." Both parties can feel compelled to want to say the last word and cut the other off, closing the door, but I do not believe in doing that, but in resolving the issue and only ending the discussion when both sides have said their peace.
Sometimes when we argue we try to get the advantage over the opponent by citing some ace in the hole, or are tempted to brag about that we think will give us an advantage (this is a fulcrum to throw the other one off balance). How do I know we shouldn't give up? Let them quit, but don't give up: God doesn't give up on us according to Phil. 1:6 and we are all works in progress--no one has "arrived." Too often our arguments (any attempt to prove the other person wrong) end up in a face-off where we get emotional and lose our cool. Patience by definition is the endurance that goes to the breaking point and doesn't break. Remember to take insults like a man: Even Jesus endured insults and this is part of the cross we all must bear.
We should not assume an air of superiority or monopoly on wisdom, or that we have cornered the market on truth, even if we are wiser (even Solomon made mistakes ) and realize that God can speak even through the voice of a child. (I only cite Augustine, who claimed God spoke to him via a child's voice.) I have a Pentecostal background, though I do not adhere to all their dogma, and you have a right to dissent, disagree, or protest. But I say any believer, filled with the Spirit, can utter a word of wisdom (a word to the wise is sufficient) and we shouldn't despise prophesying, no matter who it comes from. Sometimes we wonder: Where's your patience? Our patience can be tried to the extreme; we must recall that God is longsuffering toward us and we should be likewise.
One can be wise in the ways of the world, have business sense, or be well-educated, but not have spiritual mojo or know the Lord. Look at Donald Trump who is an infidel. Just because one is saved doesn't mean he knows the Lord very well--this takes walking with the Lord. One can also, conversely, be very astute spiritually and have much spiritual insight and even be blessed with special epiphanies, and not know his way around the block, or know the scoop, be naïve, or even have no common sense--much wisdom comes from growing up in the school of hard knocks and experience. One can be savvy about the Bible and not be applying it, too.
We should never get confrontational or be antagonistic. We should refrain from being a bully, and being bitter, or angry with our brother, (Jesus gave a stern warning against being angry with our brother in Math. 5:22.), but remain filled with the Spirit and "speak the truth in love." I like the words of Gen. 13:8: "Let there be no strife between us, for we are brethren." As far as boasting or bragging, the Bible says that if you want to boast, boast in the Lord (what He has done through us) and "let another praise you and not your own lips." As believers in the body, it is common to think that people "owe" us, but we all need and owe each other, and no one is an island. I do not believe in making implied ultimatums, threats, warnings, or cautions, but in being patient (we may need to pray for it!). Sometimes it's right to "let go and let God." We must be willing to let God's will be done, not ours.
People ask me where I get my so-called knowledge (like asking me how I know the Bible so well) and how I just know things (sometimes, it seems fortuitous), having never been "trained," but my pastor told me I had the gift of knowledge. I just know things and am a good person to ask questions because of this gift. I do not claim to be a genius, know all the answers (if I did, I would be on a game show!), or even be a learned or scholarly man, (I am mainly self-taught, mentored, and have no formal education in the Bible), but I know that I have a gift and that God uses me as a vessel of honor and glory in His kingdom.
When treated unfairly or insultingly, we should not return the favor in-kind (the so-called "brazen rule" says to treat unto others the way they treat you), but remember that Paul says not to "recompense evil with evil, but overcome evil with good." "Do not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me" (Prov. 24:29). "Iron sharpens iron" is the principle to remember. We should be willing to take whatever someone dishes out like a man. "Brace yourself like a man..." (Job 38:3). It is very important to "test the spirit" and respect our brother's "opinion" and realize he has the right to believe that. We should always remember not to be hypercritical (feel we have to debate everything--we should see what the Spirit wants to say), overly analytical, or hypersensitive (wearing our feeling on our sleeve). Boast in the Lord, says Jer. 9:23. What hath God wrought? Finally," we glory in Christ and not in ourselves", says Gal. 6:14. Soli Deo Gloria!