My Spiritual Journey

This is a first-hand account of my religious and/or spiritual pilgrimage, pitfalls and all, without glorifying the past--and sparing the details. It's an example of a believer who got his own way and ultimately learned to submit to God's will the hard way of "been there and done that."

I was baptized in California as an infant in a Lutheran church and the pastor was a friend of the family--we were corresponding for years. I was also confirmed in childhood. I can remember as a youth making a scrapbook of Jesus' life and my pastor showing it to the church, teaching vacation Bible school, and inquiring of my pastor whether I should go into the ministry. I even went to Bible camp and believed I knew the Lord mainly because I was fascinated with the book of Revelation (reading Billy Graham's book World Aflame), and then shared insights with my mom.

I recall no particular moment of surrender or spiritual awakening, but my faith was very important to me and I loved the Bible (I recall beginning the habit of underlining favorite verses). I was a person of the Book as far as I can recall, even buying a children's Bible on my own. My grandmother became very close to me and told me Bible stories.

I made the big decision to dedicate my life to Christ in a Billy Graham crusade I heard on TV around my 15th birthday, and then got involved in a Seventh-Day Adventist Church Bible study. Counseling with my pastor, he told me to read Martin Luther's Commentary on Galatians. I then proceeded to write a paper debunking the sect and defending the Lutheran faith. I also found out I am not Sabbatarian. I don't believe in "forsaking the assembly together of ourselves, as is the manner of some." But to affirm that there are no "hard-and-fast rules" for the Sabbath Day."

I went to Augsburg College (a so-called Lutheran Christian college), and was exposed to "higher criticism" and liberal theology, finding out I didn't know all the answers. With no more motive to study and being confused in my beliefs, I dropped out to do some soul searching and to find myself--wondering if my experience was to no avail.

Joining the Army and looking for love in all the wrong places, I heard a Billy Graham crusade again, only this time it was from South Korea; it was translated into Korean, so he had to go very slow and not being a good listener, it sunk in that I needed to repent, the missing link in my walk ("Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, and times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord," Acts 3:19; "And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem, Luke 24:47"). I was under grave conviction of my sin and rededicated my life to Christ. I called my mom and told her she will like the new me; she said she liked the old me! It seemed like I had made this decision before, but this time it stuck. I had to get to the end of my rope before admitting my need.

Going back I hooked up with the Navigators and was mentored. Once you've experienced it, you want to pass it on; so I got the bug to witness. Witnessing to a friend, he got saved; we became bosom buddies and hung around together the rest of my stint--I could not have made it through without his companionship and fellowship. I credit the Navigators for teaching me devotions, witnessing, Bible study, and the discipline of committing Scripture to memory. Then I taught Sunday School while in Okinawa and made many Christian friends.

I matured in my doctrinal viewpoints and the first doctrine I became interested in was eternal security--I even wrote Billy Graham to ask him his stand. I perceived that repentance is a continual attitude and not just a one-time event and that God grants it by grace. I frown upon "cheap grace," which justifies the sin, and not the sinner, as it were; giving a license to sin. I had thought you could sin as much as you want as long as you confess it! Repentance is an about-face, in military terms, and "If we regard iniquity in our heart, the LORD will not hear us." We must get a new attitude, change our mind about our sin. We can be very bad sinners, but never too bad to be saved ("Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow....").

I became convinced of believer baptism and was officially dunked in the church--Dr. Johnson knew me and didn't give me a hard time. I then shared my faith for the first time publically in the church, and had a personal revival and couldn't restrain myself--I had the "can't-help-it's" ( and I couldn't stop reading the Bible). I was accused of living "under the influence. And it was so strange that my mom committed me to the mental ward of the hospital for observation (they couldn't find anything wrong with me and released me). I was accused of going overboard on my religion. But I was scarred as a result and never got over it. Afterward, I wandered the state of Texas flat broke, and went down to Mexico, and then committed myself to the VA.

Finally, I decided to move to Minnesota to live with my grandmother. I gave my spiritual ambitions a rest and took up electronics and got a job at Honeywell troubleshooting torpedoes--I wanted to pursue this as a career path.

Then I joined the Army again, but had issues with depression and wanted out, and was given a medical discharge. Later, I had many personal problems and found a girl who listened to me and fell in love--we were married for ten years. During those years I was in and out of the mental hospital, being committed by my best friend, and then by my wife several times. Once I spent 18 months in treatment, but, praise God, have not had a relapse in over 20 years--but I do take medications, and am under psychiatric observation, to be safe, considering my track record.

I thought my hope had perished from the Lord, and I was destined for mediocrity. I found a church where I could continue to grow (I learned that one must keep the main thing the main thing and that the purpose of the universal, as well as the local church, is to evangelize and fulfill the Great Commission), and this church had a place for me to serve; however, I wasn't that dogmatic anymore.

Later, after a lot of studies, I started to be concerned about my beliefs (I became cognizant of the deity of Christ in a real way, and realized the Proverb "without a vision, the people perish"). I knew I had to exercise grace toward those I disagree with, and not be judgmental; putting Augustine's dictum into practice: "In essentials unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity."

Since then I've had a meaningful relationship and friendship with my mom, who is not ignorant of doctrine, either--neither of us believes ignorance is bliss, and know our way around the block, theologically speaking. We talk every day and usually have mutually edifying and lengthy fellowship; we are on the same page so we can bounce ideas off each other.

I am not a success in the world's eyes and haven't achieved the American dream: But I believe what Mother Teresa of Calcutta says, "The Lord calls us to faithfulness, not success." God isn't interested in our achievements; He's interested in us and our obedience--Isaiah says, "All that we have done [God] has accomplished for us," and Paul says, "I venture not to speak, but of what Christ has accomplished through me" (Rom. 15:18).

Doctrinally speaking, I am a Calvinist who believes in the gifts of the Spirit--an oddity. Sometimes we must agree to disagree, and not be disagreeable, contentious, divisive, or argumentative. Even Paul and Barnabas disagreed and had to go their separate ways: There are more important things than being right all the time--relationships--our faith is a relationship with a person, not a creed. We must accept one another in love because we are "accepted in the Beloved" and always "speak the truth in love."

As far as doctrine goes, a good frame of reference for soteriology, the doctrine of salvation, is important for witnessing and assurance of salvation. Like they say, "God said it in His Word, I believe it in my heart, that settles it in my mind." I'm not what I ought to be, but thank God I'm not what I used to be! I now live an abundant life with a capital L and am seeking God's Kingdom first.

In summation, I am what I am by the grace of God, and am blooming where God has planted me. My mission is to the vets, my ministry is my Bible study, and my avocation is blogging to the glory of God--I thank God for my church home!

My favorite Bible verses are as follows:

"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep thy word" (Psa. 119: 67).
"He brought me out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps" (Psa. 40: 2). "Therefore, the LORD longs to have mercy on you, and He waits on high to have compassion on you" (Isa. 30:18). "I know the plans that I have for you, says the LORD, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11). "If thy Word had not been my delight, I would have perished in the way" (Psa. 119:92).
"The LORD has chastened me severely, but He has not given me over to death" (Psa. 118:18).

Most importantly: "The LORD knows the way that I take, when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold" (Job 23:10). Soli Deo Gloria!